A woman goes over her description of the word love.

Love loves. It loves deep. It loves with respect. It rings around trust. It binds differences. It bridges gaps. It unites. It explores, accepts.

Love crests and falls like the waves of the sea. Its height varies greatly, so does the sound it makes as its cheeks splash against the shore.

Love lingers forever.

I love one man. I love another. One lives far away. One’s so close but still seems as far as the first one. One promised a mutual affection. The other promised pain and rejection. Both hurt; both burned. Both left me all alone.

Whoever said I can’t have both?

No one did. So I took them both; but it hurt; it burned. It left me all alone.

I told the first I love another, and I wish to have them both because I love them greatly, and equally. I can’t let go of one to love the other because I love them equally. I can’t let go of one to love the other because I don’t want to hurt any of them. But both hurt; both burned. But I wouldn’t one of them leave me alone, so I took them with me, for me, without a choice.

The other had beautiful grey eyes, ivory-white skin, black hair, thin, but healthy lips. The first had black eyes, light-brown skin, neatly cut, short black hair, thin but healthy lips which smiled as I smiled. I told him I love him; that I want to be with him, and he smiled. But when I told him he wasn’t the only one, he snarled and hit me. He slapped my face, threw my body against the walls, dragged me up the stairs, bit at my bloody lips, and said he loved me as well. But he didn’t like the idea of me loving another besides him. I never knew he had this violence in him; he wanted to prove how much he loved me through violence. He wanted to show me how painful was it to love and be cheated on. He wanted to show me how he loved me through jealousy. He told me he wouldn’t allow anyone to take me away from him. I smiled, but he kept hitting me. I kissed him, but he bit at my lips. I caressed his flaming cheeks, but he slapped my face. I held him close to me, but he threw me away from him. Violence was love to him. Jealousy was a proof of true love. There wasn’t a need to get jealous. I love him truthfully.

But then he stopped, panting, catching his breath. He turned away from me to leave. Then, he said the words that cut through my very being: he wants to leave. If I don’t chose between the two, he will leave. But I cannot make him leave. I cried and begged him to stay, but he kept on walking away. I cried and begged him to hold me, and crush me against the walls, slap my face and kiss me again. But he kept walking… and walking…

But then he stopped, crying, gazing up at me through eyes wide with terror. Beneath me, he lay on his back. Beneath him was the letter-knife. I used to open his letters with this knife. Now I will restore our love with the same knife.

It went through so smoothly. His face contorted in immeasureable pain, fear and violence mixed together. But violence was love to him. And whatever love was to him, shall be love to me.

Now he can never leave my side. Love bridges gaps. It loves deep, it goes deep. Just as the blade sank through his neck.

I kissed him over and over. His lips were slack but warm. His body was slack but warm. This is love. This is love.

I lifted my face and saw my other love standing less than six feet away. Love was all over his face. And love is eternal. It loves deep. It lingers forever. I love him, this still man beneath me. And I love him, this stiff man before me.

Whoever said I can’t have both?

I ran to him, my arms flailing gaily. To my surprise, he ran – out of the room, down the stairs, through the kitchen, the dining area, the living room. But I had enough of running, and the entry door was locked, so the game was over. Tears sprang on his eyes, lips quivering.

I told him I love him.

He said stop.

I told him I want to hold him in my arms.

He asked me to stay where I am.

I told him to kiss me.

Now, he begged me not to hurt him.

So, this was what love was for him. Humility, mercy, forgiveness. I love him for this. I love him for his innate goodness. I love him deeply.

Quickly, before he ever had the chance to run away, I jumped into his arms and kissed him, the significant blade still in my hand. As we kissed, he was trembling so badly. I told him to stop. He didn’t. Isn’t this what humility is? Humbling yourself, offering yourself to the satistaction of another?

He didn’t stop, but I made him still as my first lover. His breath tickled my face as he gasped and cried. This time, when I ordered him to stop crying, he obeyed; eyes dilating, lips softening, then we kissed again.

Love loves. It loves deep. It loves with respect. It rings around trust. It binds differences. It bridges gaps. It unites. It explores, accepts.

Love crests and falls like the waves of the sea. Its height varies greatly, so does the sound it makes as its cheeks splash against the shore.

Love lingers forever.

I was with the two men I love. No more rejections, no more pain, jealousy, violence or fear. Its just the three of us now. No one stands alone anymore. We were together. I was with the two men I love.

Love loves. It loves deep. It loves with respect. It rings around trust. It binds differences. It bridges gaps. It unites. It explores, accepts.

I’ve never been so happy in my entire life.