Setting Right Expectations

Let me first say that this is the first time, in a very long time, that I will be writing a new entry to this blog. Also, in order to absolve myself from any future liabilities (criminal or administrative), I have edited the title of my blog from The Lady Lawyer Speaks to The (Future) Lady Lawyer Speaks. I have no intentions of impersonating a public officer, or a lawyer for that matter, hence, I considered it prudent to make necessary modifications to my blog to fit reality. Initially, I intended it to be a sort of reminder that I have to finish Law School and be a lawyer no matter what, but several semesters later, and after classes in Legal and Judicial Ethics, I found out that there are dreams and aspirations that will have to stay in its normal, intangible and fictitious form, rather than prematurely appear and later lead me to trouble.

I also intend to explain why today, of all days, did I suddenly decide to flip my office laptop open and blog about whatever is going on in my head: Today, is also the first time, in all my life, that I will be traveling far from home on my own, to a place I’ve never been to without the company of colleagues and friends. I remember the first time I was in Baguio City was a business trip to Kalinga, the second was a seminar-workshop hosted by the National Archives of the Philippines, and now this. During my last two trips, I had colleagues and friends traveling with me, and this gave me a certain level of security, which, although misplaced (since they’re not family, thus, if anything were happen to me, it’s highly doubtful they’d care), also granted a certain level of easiness and reassurance that if something were to happen, someone can contact my family back in Manila and let them know. This time, however, if I were to fall off a cliff, I would most likely rot there only to be uncovered days, even months later by unknowing children who just happened to be playing in a nearby creek, unless of course, my absence somehow riles up a number of journalist and unleash a sudden sense of responsibility from the general public to unsolve the puzzle and find me.

Like that’s ever going to happen…

Funny, I know. But this is normally how my mind works, and this is normally how negatively I think. Byron says that I think too much, and I admit that I do, excessively even, but if anyone out there can tell me how to stop, please feel free to do so. And I hope whatever it is you’re going to tell me works for me, too, because it will simply be a total waste of time. I wish I weren’t as pessimistic as I am now; I remember when I was younger,  I found it easier to look at the brighter side. I was always the one among my siblings who almost always had a smile. I am rarely caught mulling over things that bother most people. Sadly, that person is gone, and the new me persists. I wish I can go back to those days, but to be honest, I can’t even tell what happened to me that made me this way. I can’t even tell when I started changing…

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